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Post by Clark on Dec 7, 2006 8:06:32 GMT -5
So maybe it's because I'm now Catholic, and now I know what it's like to always feel guilty about something, or it could be that I have an 11 year old, and as a parent, I'm starting to realize just how fragile a young person's ego really is, but putting together this board has made me reflect on my childhood, and question what kind of person I was.
By the time I hit High School I was almost comfortable in my own skin, my dark days came earlier 6th to 8 th grade. I was raised Christian Scientist, so I never went to the doctor for any reason growing up. My grandmother who really was a second parent because my father lived up north, was also Christian Scientist . I still remember how embarrassed I was when people would ask me if she was pregnant. It was a small town and she was in her late 60's and suffering from what in retrospect I'm sure was a horribly painfull massive tumor that distended her torso. I hated her for being sick, and later I hated God more for making her die in my arms while I clumsily tried to give her CPR as she drown in the fluid build up in her lungs.
So I dealt as best I could, my mom wasn't going to take me to the Doc for a cold, she sure as hell wasn't going to take me because the inside of my brain hurt. I had a shit load of anger and guilt the stuff shrink's car and boat payments are made of.
As time went by I had some friends lay some HEAVY shit on my doorstep, looking back I hope they just needed someone to listen, because thats all I did. I'm not sure if anyone my age was able to do more than that, but that doesn't stop me for feeling guilty not doing more at the time.
and now for Stanco and what now I'm sure are a ton of others that feel about the past like he does, I've looked into my own memory and I never saw him as unhappy, just the funny heavy set kid , but that's why it's my memory and not his, I wonder if I was part of the problem, I know I wasn't part of the solution, at the very least it's got me wondering how many others did we fuck up just because we were stupid kids.. I used to call Donald Johnson "ears",we all did, doesn't make it right, I wasn't trying to mess up his head or anything...
so to make it clear, I'm REALLY sorry to anyone I fucked up even if I wasn't trying to..
Did I mention I'm Catholic now... got the guilt part down real good.
end of emotional rant:
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Post by Sorry John on Dec 7, 2006 10:21:58 GMT -5
Hi, my name is Bob, and I'm a Cath-o-holic. I've been full of guilt now for 20+ years. Sounds like you had it pretty bad, Clark. I was just looking at your pictures and two things came to mind. 1 - You have a beautiful family and 2 - You look like you did in HS; just a little older. Since this thread is somewhat of a forum to get something off of your chest, I can only bear to mind John Walsh, commonly known as 'Spot'. If you recall, he had a birthmark on his face. Who knows why he chose to take auto mechanics, but he did. The constant teasing was never ending. Mr. Taylor even addressed us one morning: "You'll can't call Spot "Spot" no more." I recall things like lighting a lighter under his ass for a few seconds and then looking away. It would take a couple of seconds before the sensation would reach the pain receptors. He would then stand up and scream. Mr. taylor thought he was nuts because nobody was near him when he reacted. I could go on and on. Well, I feel really bad about that today. I have for a while. Sorry John.  |
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peter von
Junior
Peter Von Taborsky
Posts: 196
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Post by peter von on Dec 7, 2006 11:45:16 GMT -5
wow, you guys are bringing me down. high school was 20 years ago. we were in our teens & for the most part we were geeks. we didn't know any better (some of us most likely still don't). we made fun & we were made fun of. all of us. no matter how cool we thought we were i can guarantee someone was making fun of each & everyone of us. its part of growing up, part of being a kid. sure it sucks but the wounds we receive as children help us become better adults (i hate that word) i hope. ill tell you one thing, it takes a good man to say he is sorry, even after 20 years. so for that you should be proud
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Post by michaelstanco on Dec 7, 2006 18:11:59 GMT -5
Clark I put on a false front, for the most part I was very unhappy. I was for lack of a better word, a pussy in high school. I was the fat kid. I was picked on and made fun of. Over the years, as my body developed, I had all that built up anger. I now stand 6' tall and weigh 550 lbs, I defy anyone to make fun of me now. It's all that hate from high school built up. It affected me and made me into the person I am today. To be honest, I couldn't even tell you whom made fun of me, as I blocked out a lot of my high school days. I really don't hold grudges against anyone, as I can't remember much of it. I wish I could go back to then with my attitude now, I'd have kicked some serious ass.
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Post by Clark on Dec 7, 2006 19:57:47 GMT -5
Hi, my name is Bob, and I'm a Cath-o-holic. I've been full of guilt now for 20+ years. Sounds like you had it pretty bad, Clark. I was just looking at your pictures and two things came to mind. 1 - You have a beautiful family and 2 - You look like you did in HS; just a little older. Since this thread is somewhat of a forum to get something off of your chest, I can only bear to mind John Walsh, commonly known as 'Spot'. If you recall, he had a birthmark on his face. Who knows why he chose to take auto mechanics, but he did. The constant teasing was never ending. Mr. Taylor even addressed us one morning: "You'll can't call Spot "Spot" no more." I recall things like lighting a lighter under his ass for a few seconds and then looking away. It would take a couple of seconds before the sensation would reach the pain receptors. He would then stand up and scream. Mr. taylor thought he was nuts because nobody was near him when he reacted. I could go on and on. Well, I feel really bad about that today. I have for a while. Sorry John. I forgot all about that poor kid, to be honest , I never even knew his name.. was that the same kid that made car noises and shifted an imaginary stick shift while he walked?? |
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Post by Clark on Dec 7, 2006 20:01:06 GMT -5
Clark I put on a false front, for the most part I was very unhappy. I was for lack of a better word, a pussy in high school. I was the fat kid. I was picked on and made fun of. Over the years, as my body developed, I had all that built up anger. I now stand 6' tall and weigh 550 lbs, I defy anyone to make fun of me now. It's all that hate from high school built up. It affected me and made me into the person I am today. To be honest, I couldn't even tell you whom made fun of me, as I blocked out a lot of my high school days. I really don't hold grudges against anyone, as I can't remember much of it. I wish I could go back to then with my attitude now, I'd have kicked some serious ass. Mike I'm sure something bad happened to me in 4 years at school , but for the life of me I can't remember what it was, and I'll bet it was self induced, I just sense painfull memories for you and that makes me sad and a little reflective. Sorry it was one of those things I was thinking and I had to vent.. hope I didn't bring everyone down.. |
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Post by michaelstanco on Dec 7, 2006 20:09:47 GMT -5
Clark it's all good bro. It's all in the past. I really don't let it bother me so much anymore. Although my attitude is a direct affect of those years, I'm not someone that lets it bring him down. You won't see me crying on Oprah about how I was called fat and such.
I love you man.
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Post by James on Dec 8, 2006 13:10:05 GMT -5
Wow Clark I didn't really know how your Mom died, just that she past. Thanks for having the courage to write that. My Dad died back in 2000 from cancer and its a disease that I wish on no one.
On another note. I really never picked on anyone knowingly except maybe something like not knowing Spot's real name and calling him Spot cause that's all I ever heard him called. I always thought of myself as the kid who fit between the "cool patio crowd" and the "field crowd" I had friends in both cliques. I'm sure I was called lots of names in school, but it never bothered me.
Hell I remember Clark, Daryl and I had our own group name, (don't kill me Clark) the Slime Studs! 'Course when we had Mr. Casanova's Spanish class together we added the word "International" to it LOL!!
Like Mike said, those things are in the past. I'm still a geek and damn proud of it!!
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Post by Kelly Hampton on Dec 8, 2006 13:21:12 GMT -5
I think we all had our moments of pain. That is what growing up is all about. It's how we have turned out now is what matters. Some people you meet are still the same person they were in high school and that is sad. I have a hard time being around my sister and her family because she loves telling her kids stories about when we were younger, portraying me as someone I'm not anymore. She can never seem to see me as an adult.
Mike, you are a great guy who is doing what he loves and creating a lot of wonderful memories. Dont let any of the bad ones mess that up.
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Post by tammi86 on Dec 8, 2006 14:54:04 GMT -5
Wow Clark, you just brought a ton of memories flooding back. The kid they called "spot", I remember him. His sister was a co-finance manager with me years ago, and at her suggestion she recommended her mom to me to babysit my infant son. Really nice family, and the one we called "spot" who I guess is named John, lives with his parents still. I don't think he has many friends today still, and it did make me sad to think of him being made fun of constantly in school. Mike, I remember some instances of guys not being so nice to you...I'm glad that you've overcome all of the high school B.S. and have moved on to be the person that you are today. I went to your myspace page, it's really cool!  . While we are on the subject of feeling guilty about things (yes, I am catholic too!)...all I can say is that I think everyone at some point in their lives has been let down, been made fun of, has done somebody wrong, and has been wronged in return. It's what makes up our character and who we "grow up" (sorry Peter! lol) to be. In our teens we do a lot of stupid things and hurt people that we never meant to hurt. It's a part of growing up, and learning from our mistakes. |
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Post by michaelstanco on Dec 8, 2006 17:03:53 GMT -5
Thanks Tammy and Kelly. It's funny, I cannot remember 1 incident. I did a good job of blocking it all out. Please leave memories if you have any of me being mistreated. I'd love to relive it. I'm actually serious here. it doesn't bother anymore.
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Post by tammi86 on Dec 8, 2006 22:44:36 GMT -5
No real specific incidences, I just recall how cruel high school kids can be to those kids they deem to be less perfect than they...just a lot of smack talking really back then is all I remember when we had Negoro's class together.
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Post by James on Dec 10, 2006 22:45:47 GMT -5
I remember you wearing a NY Giants jersey and I laughed at you, but who really was I to do that I was and still am a Tampa Bay Bucs fan. No comment on this year's season please.
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Post by michaelstanco on Dec 11, 2006 3:31:01 GMT -5
I remember you wearing a NY Giants jersey and I laughed at you, but who really was I to do that I was and still am a Tampa Bay Bucs fan. No comment on this year's season please. Funny thing back around then 86-90 Giants won 2 Superbowls. So how could you laugh? LOL |
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Post by James on Dec 11, 2006 8:41:51 GMT -5
I remember you wearing a NY Giants jersey and I laughed at you, but who really was I to do that I was and still am a Tampa Bay Bucs fan. No comment on this year's season please. Funny thing back around then 86-90 Giants won 2 Superbowls. So how could you laugh? LOL Um...I was jealous. ;D |
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